Also this

GO HERE.

AND this.

And yes, I am procrastinating.

Brace yourself

paper days are coming.

Paper days are like finals days. Except they happen 1-2 weeks before finals and all the English majors hate their lives.

No sleep. Lots of writing. No good food.

Eventually, all the papers are turned in and you are either asleep for 15 hours or barely cognizant but can't sleep because of the caffeine.

Which leads us to Jenna Marbles.

She is incredibly inappropriate and swears ( F bomb alert!). Don't watch this video if that is a problem for you.

I find her hilarious.

So- here you go. 

What caffeine does. As interpreted by Jenna Marbles.

This is why I do my thinking after the sun goes down

So. I just figured out a line of poetry that's been puzzling me for weeks.

"Would God I were a Sibell to divine / In worthy vearse your lasting happyness: / Then only I should be Characteres"

That last bit- I assumed that "Characteres" was just plural. (BTW-Characteres in this context is a kind of shorthand/cipher/code thing).

NO.

It is a title- Characteress. She wants to be a code writer. yay for non standardized spelling.

but IT FINALLY MAKES SENSE. And it fits in exactly with my argument.

YESSSSSSSS.

And now I feel super smart and awesome.

Here is the song that's been on repeat for the last hour. Its making me feel like a poetry-reading rock star.

That is all. Back to the grindstone. Thank you for listening.

In which my tonsils try to kill me....again

So- remember a few months ago when I was hospitalized for a peritonsillar abscess? Icky, huh?

Well, these past week, I've been all headachey and fevery (up to 102.5. boo being so sweaty for no good reason) and body achey and fatiguey and swollen tonsiley.

Yeah....it's back. so-off I went to the miraculous feel-better man (aka the dr)

But a shot in the bum was necessary (bum shot? sounds lewd), 4 attempts at drawing blood (one in each elbow, one in the wrist and one on the back of the hand. OUCH) in order to test for Mono (which my dr always tests for "just in case" no matter what my symptoms--because apparently my Dr thinks I get around) and a gag-swab thingy to test for Strep (also "just in case"--although the strep is kinda legit since as a teenager I had it at least once a year).

An hour later, I left the doctor's office with a prescription for some seriously blue pills (antibiotics) and several more sore spots.

THANK GOODNESS for modern medicine (yay penicillin!) and government insurance. Now I'm almost all better.

But- if my tonsils are reading this blog post--

I WILL CUT YOU.

Remember what happened to Allie's tooth? Yeah- I'm gonna do that to you. Except I won't put a happy semi-Stepford Wife face on you when it's done. Because you'll be gone. Dead. 

You just wait until December. You are now my number one mortal enemy. 

On a completely random note. Here is a picture I found on the internet. I can find no explanation for it. 

So here you go- JGL in thigh-highs and garters. 

In the end, I win

Dear incredibly loud and high-pitched road construction going on outside my window,

Tonight I will beat you.

I bought a 4 pack of industrial earplugs. I'm using the whole pack.

My bed is now covered in piles of clothing. Nestled amongst all the fabric, I won't feel the vibrations of whatever you are doing out there.

One word: Nyquil.

Check mate.

with enough disdain to leave you cold in July,

Emily

Crap

Ok, so pt.2 of the bird incident is coming later this evening. Promise. First, I must share.

So, today I had WIM (Weekly Instructor Meeting). It's like an on-going teacher training thing. Drew, who is the Yoda to my Padawan, warned us about all the germs on the papers we grade. He's all "use hand sanitizer and don't touch your nose or eyes while you grade."

Well, just now, I pulled out the last few papers I have to grade. Plopped then down on my desk, pulled out a portfolio, started reading a paper and almost immediately TOUCHED MY NOSE.

Great. Now I'm going to get ebola AIDS. Of course. As if grad school wasn't hard enough.

Going to Smith's RIGHT NOW to purchase hand sanitizer.

P.S. I'm sorry if you went to that link and you've never been there before. You've effectively said good-bye to any productivity this evening.

Update: Purchased said sanitizer. Used it. I didn't realize I had so many paper cuts :/

The Bird pt. 1

The other day I had a non-graduate school related adventure.

There was a bird in my room. A ninja bird.

How did this happen, you say? Well, everyday when I get home, I open up one of the many windows in my room. This particular day, I opened one that was right next to a tree. A tree with a flock of ninja birds. "Oh cool," I thought, "birdsong."

Unbeknownst to me, the screen in that particular window was out. I was open to attack and I didn't even know it.

I went about my "just got home" routine, unpacking my bag, picking up the clothes from that morning's "I have nothing to wear so let's try on 10 outfits only to decide on the first one" ceremony, changing into sweats, popping open my pre-homework DrP. You know, normal stuff.

Then I hear it. CHirrrp tweet. But it wasn't coming from outside.

It was right.behind.me.

I turn, and there it is, bloodlust in its eyes, a ninja bird.

See the bloodlust? SEE IT?!

At the time I didn't know it was a ninja bird. It just looked like an everyday sparrow, small and brown.
No big deal. So, to encourage it to leave on its own, I opened up all the other windows and popped their screens out. Maybe he'll just fly out.

Boy, was I wrong. That bird was out for blood. My blood.  And wasn't leaving until he got it.

To be continued...