My knees are like a bowl of Rice Crispies Cereal

Well, as my last post mentioned, I "changed my pants" yesterday, and am now "pantless." Well, I was all in a funk about it late last night, so I decided to go for a run. At 1AM. Yes, I know its not safe, and that I'm not a good runner (or a runner at all), etc, etc, etc. But I needed to do something that didn't require thoughts, I needed to get out of my head. So, I went for a run. And I ran and ran and ran. Well, I walked too. Doing something that was just physical was very therapeutic. Just feet on the pavement, one in front of the other, breathe in, breathe out. Up the stairs, down the stairs. Feeling the muscles flex, and complain in under-used whines. Forcing my body to keep moving--pushing through effort of will. It was great.

I figure some things out on this random run. First, I am not in good shape. Not that I didn't know that. But I also felt much better about some of my recent decisions. I needed to do something for me, I couldn't keep pushing my own wants and needs aside for others. Not only that, but I needed to do something right now. I make a lot of decisions for myself for the future--studying hard so I can get good grades, so I can get into a good grad. program, so I can, so I can... You see? Now, I'm not saying going pantless was easy, or that it won't continue to be hard, I mean, I went on a long middle-of-the-night run because I was feeling cruddy about it. But it'll be okay. I made the best decision for me--and I feel that in every fiber of my sore legs, in every pop of my joints. But then again, maybe I didn't make such a good decision after all... maybe next time I'll try drinking.