This going to be the last time

This is the last time I'm going to apologize for my food allergies. I'm sorry.

But I can't change it. So it's not even a real apology. I never can be. This is one of the few times I can really say that it's not my fault. It's not my fault that I'm allergic to tasty things. It's not my fault that might impact people around me and their choices. If I could change, I would.

But the next person who cracks a joke about it, or tells me I can get used to anaphylaxis, or makes some off-hand comment about how I'm "allergic to everything" might end up in the hospital themselves. It's not funny--nobody's laughing. And no, I can't get used to anaphylaxis--it's physically impossible. Because I would be dead. And yes- I am more than aware that my body is a the immune system version of a drama queen.

Now, you may be thinking that this is just a rant--that is Emily is just being cranky and is lashing out. But that's not the only purpose of this particular blog entry. This is also about expanding horizons/understandings of the human condition in all its various forms.

Let's walk through what allergies mean to me. I have over 50 food allergies. That's just food. I registered positive for almost everything that they test for. I am anaphylactically allergic to a few, many cause asthma attacks and others cause less severe reactions like hay fever, hives, etc. Sometimes I have a reaction and I don't know from what. Those are the basics.

Because I have so many allergies, and with such severity, I have a lot of anxiety about it. A lot. So much so that it effects my life. I typically don't go to potlucks or ward functions with food. Cause I never know what's in what other people cook. This obviously has an impact on my social life. You might say I just could go and not eat. But I don't have to eat cayenne pepper or curry for it to kill me--its enough to be around it. Also--its rude not to eat and I'd much rather not have to explain my allergies to everyone and their dog. Plus it's none of their business. So I avoid the situation entirely. I'm also wary of eating out with friends, on dates, etc. Case in point: my most recent date took me to a chinese place. He got fried rice with shrimp and I had to cut that date real short real fast.

Then there's the chance that I walk into the breakroom at work and someone is heating up curry. I worry about those things constantly.

I'm also allergic to things like eggs, wheat, milk and soy. Not severely, but its next to impossible to avoid these things, so I'm always a little sick. Think about everything that has soy in it. That's right-anything processed. Having an allergy to egg totally changes the significance of getting a flu shot.

And there's guilt that comes with interfering with what other people want. What if all of my friends want to get mexican? or sushi? Then I feel bad for getting in the way of that. Or being excluded when they go without me. Either way, it sucks.

All this is not likely to go away or even improve. I've been through immunotherapy shots. But allergists can't/won't treat for everything. And based on the fact that each subsequent allergy test only turns up more positive reactions (positive reaction=allergy) this is only going to get worse as I get older. And because of my personal and family history with allergies, I will probably pass this on to my children.

Think about it. Put yourself in my shoes. Or in the shoes of someone with a peanut allergy. A little role play never hurt anyone.

But mostly it's people's insensitivity (which probably springs from ignorance or thoughtlessness). This morning, I woke up to a full-on asthma attack because my roommate decided she wanted a tuna sandwich for lunch. It is NOT pleasant to wake up to the inability to breathe. Its terrifying. And the after-effects of the meds aren't fun either. I'm going to be sick for the rest of the week. I do my best to make sure that those I live with, spend time with, etc. are informed. But apparently it's not enough to know that tuna can cause a hospital trip. And I'm sure what it takes to get that message across.

But I sure am tired of apologizing for it.

If you'd like to know more about allergies--there is the wonders of google to help you out. Or you can ask me. But don't ask me where my Epipen is. Its nice that you care, but if I trust you enough to put my life in your hands, I'll tell you. Because that's what you're asking. So if you don't know, don't be offended--I just don't trust you that much.